Hate Me
by Waterwolfwritter
Summary: Destiel set to Blue October Hate Me


Hey buddy, Yeah I should finish my other stories so here is some Destiel set to Blue October Hate Me. By the way _anything written like this is thoughts/memories. Sometimes it's a little weird but hey I like it so keep your hate about it to yourself._

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_When he sleeps does he dream of me? Of all the people in the world in the world he picked me _were the only thoughts in Dean's brain. He picked up his phone. One missed call from Sam. One voice mail from Sam. "Hey Dean, this is Sam, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really weird last night. It made me a little nervous. I just wanted to make sure you were really OK. Take care. See ya." Sam's voice said

Dean looked at the phone. He was not okay. He was beyond not okay. The same moment was on repeat in his head. Their first time. _Dean I am scared._ Cas said in his head. _I am to._ He would always answer. This memory played more in his head as a movie than a moment. _My own personal sick twisted porno. Great._

He wanted to change one thing of that moment. _Dean I am scared._ He would do anything to change his stupid response. _I am to._ He should have said it was fine. _Dean._ But that was the summary of their relationship._ I am scared._ He never gave and only received. _I am to._

He did his best to never think of Cas. Sweet kind giving Cas. Yet there was his personal porno and every single moment the dude had spent with him. It was like Cas was crawling around his head to remind he was alone. _Dean, Please. _He was going insane. _Don't leave. _The worst part was that he did it to himself. _Dean, Please don't leave me._

He ran from Cas. Maybe Cas could get peace. Just an ounce of peace was what he wanted for Cas. _Dean._ Most of him wanted Cas never to think of him again. _I have to tell you this._ Most of him wanted Cas never to try and reach him. _You might know this already._ He had told Cas he needed space. _But state this I must._ Somehow all of him agreed on one thing. _I love you._ He needed Cas to reach out to him.

If Cas could hate him, maybe Cas could have a normal life. _Dean._ Cas would have to hate him more than wanting him dead. _I have never had a life outside of you._ The hate would have to include wanting him tortured. _Cas, you had a long life before you met me. _A hate that would make Cas wish he had never rescued Dean from hell. _Dean, I might have but I never lived until I pulled you out of hell._ A hate that would make Cas disgusted to hear his name. _Part of me knew I was pulling my life out of hell. _A hate that burned. _I knew that I loved you once I saw you. _A hate stronger than life and death. _That's why I gripped so tight. _A hate that would last longer than earth would. _That's why I always will. _A hate hard to swallow.

He wanted a drink. _That is going to kill you one day. _But he couldn't bring himself to break 3 months sober. _If you put that liquid to your lips I am leaving._ Cas was always uncomfortable when he was drunk. _DAMMIT DEAN! _Cas actually talked him into drinking less. _I LOVE YOU. _He did stop drinking. _BUT I HATE YOU DRUNK. _He just wished he had stopped sooner.

He was convinced he was cursed. _Cas, you should leave me. _He was sure he was worth nothing. _Cas, I am nothing. _He was the walking dead. _Cas, you should just kill me. _He was useless. _Cas, You have no use for me. _Cas would always argue. _Dean, you are not cursed. _Cas was trying to make him compliment him self. _Dean, you are everything. _It was hard for him to take. _Dean, you are more lively than anyone I have ever met. _Cas still made him do it anyways. _Dean, you are beyond useful. _Cas was always looking out for him. _Dean, I love you too much to let you treat yourself this way. _Cas always gave and he only kept taking. _Dean, I need you to try look for the good in your self. _That was why he got in his car and drove as far away as possible. _Dean, I know the good is there. _Cas needed to do what was best for Cas. _DEAN, I HAVE SEEN THE GOOD IN YOU EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T. _He just hoped Cas would do what he needed to get over him.

_Cas, I need space._ He couldn't stand to see a single person cry. _He was trying to leave without causing any pain. _He always ran when tears started. _Cas, man this could be good for you. Look at me, I am just a mistake people make. _If he couldn't run away, he would do his best to make them go away. _That was when he saw the tears. _He knew that was one thing that made him a boy. _He fell on his knees by Cas. _He never seemed to grow up in that department. _He could hear Cas whisper. _Maybe he never would. _Dean, how can you do this to me? _Maybe no one ever really grew up. _He turned to the door but stopped in the doorway. _Maybe he was doomed to live as a little boy. _Cas's voice had stopped him. _He could live with that. _Dean, Please don't leave me. _There was only one thing he could not live with. _I am leaving for your own good. _That one thing was bringing some down with him. _He left the door way and got into the Impala. _

His phone rang. He answered without looking at who it was. It had to be Sam calling back. "Hey"

"Hey, Dean." Cas said

His heart stopped. He hung up. He hit redial. "Hey, Dean"

He hung up. He wasn't as insane as he thought. Cas had called him. His memories didn't do any justice to the sound of Cas's voice. Hearing Cas's voice brought new level of temptation. He couldn't drag Cas back down. He called Sam. "Hey Sammy."

"What happened last night?" asked Sam

"What do you mean?" asked Dean

"You flipped out when you saw Cas. That was weird." said Sam

_Cas strolled up. _"You know what went down." said Dean

"I know you left Cas alone in a hotel room." said Sam.

_Why in the world had Cas shown up at the bar they were at? It was a random stop. No one had planned it. Cas strolled over and joined them. Sam wouldn't have told him. Cas needed to be as far way from him as possible and here they were having dinner. It was his worst fear. All Cas had said to start this nightmare was "Hey Dean"_

"_Dean, Dean, _Earth to Dean." Cas's voice faded into Sam's voice.

"Sorry Sammy." said Dean

"You have been zoning out a lot since Sunday night." said Sam

"Dude, it's Monday. Dealing with me zoning out couldn't have been that bad." said Dean

"Dean, you left me alone at a restaurant without anything. I had to hustle pool and walk to the nearest motel. I called you in the morning. When you answered, all I herd was nothing. I called again, and you asked what day it was. After I told you it was Monday, you hung up. So when you didn't answer, I left you a voice mail telling you the day and time. So what happened last night?" asked Sam

"Sam, I ran into my ex, whom I love. I hurt him and tore his heart into pieces. I am cursed. I am doing everything in my power to keep as many people as possible away from me." Dean replied

"So you just run thinking that could fix anything." Sam said

"I just thought.." Dean started

"No, you didn't think. If you had, you would know that leaving doesn't fix it. Dean we care about you. If you went a million miles away, we would still care about you. So, no you didn't think." said Sam

"Sam.." said Dean

"Dean you can't do this. You can't just run away. You have to face this." said Sam

"What do I need to face?" asked Dean

"That you fell for a dude." said Sam

"I already faced that." said Dean

"And you drag your bother and your boyfriend around the country hunting monsters." said Sam

"I hate that I have dragged you.." Dean tried to start an apology

"And you forget we love hunting monsters with you and would be bored out of skull doing anything else. That is why I called Cas and told him where we were." said Sam

"Remind me to kill you later. Bitch." said Dean

"Jerk." Sam repiled.

Dean hung up and called Cas. "Hey, I have a motel room with a bed for a night."

"Oh your pick up lines are always so sweet." said Cas

"Fine. I am going to collect Sam and we were going to find a nice monster to kill. Bye Cas." said Dean

"Wait Dean. What motel?" said Cas

"Cas you cave to easy." said Dean

"Dean please." begged Cas

"You know that never works on me. Sam should be at the Blue Moon Hotel." said Dean

"Dean." Cas sighed

"The day I left was the last time I drank." said Dean

"So it's been 3 months." said Cas

"It's felt like longer with you haunting me every where I do." said Dean

"Dean..." Cas started

"I don't do chick flick moments Cas. So are you going to met me there?" asked Dean

"Seeing as I will arrive first, you will met me there." said Cas

"Yeah right." said Dean

"Dean." said Cas

"See ya soon." said Dean

This time when Dean hung up, he was heading back to the people he cared about. Two people who didn't give up on. Two people who should have hated him. Two people who choose not to hate him. Two people he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Two people who loved him more than they could hate them. So maybe people not hating him was a good a thing. Hell, he might not even be cursed. He would always do what was best for the two people he cared about, so that he would never wish for them to hate him again.

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I know the end breaks from the song. I wanted a happy ending. So yeah.


End file.
